I’m a bit of a sucker for the Bourne movies (they’re basically the only American action films I find interesting) so I was pretty stoked when the screening for Green Zone opened up. I mean, this is a movie I was seriously considering paying for. Shocking, right?

It’s a satisfying popcorn movie, a war action thriller based on a book by Washington Post journalist Rajiv Chandrasekaran. The film opens with Matt Damon’s Chief Miller leading a raid on what is meant to be a WMD storage site. It’s the third time such a raid has come up empty, and he starts to question where the intelligence — or lack thereof — is coming from. Brendan Gleeson and Amy Ryan are the CIA representative and journalist who also have their doubts about how the whole Iraq mission is being run, Greg Kinnear is the intelligence operator/White House mouthpiece, and Khalid Abdalla is great as Freddy, an Iraqi informant working with Miller and acting as the voice of the ambivalent Iraqi citizens.

The film is, unsurprisingly, getting criticism for changing names and fictionalizing, as well as for pushing a left-wing agenda. Here’s the thing. Names are changed, sure, but it’s not like we don’t know who they mean. And if by pushing a left-wing agenda they mean exposing the lies over which we went to war, then sure, it does. As well it should. And if this is a venue through which more people will be open to understanding what happened and what is still happening under our watch, then right fucking on.

A technical detail: I didn’t have any difficulty with the Shaky Cam, and in fact, I frequently liked how it forced me to focus better than I might have otherwise. All the action made sense and was clear enough to follow, unlike some of the Bourne action.

Perhaps, dear reader, you are a little something like me. Perhaps you enjoy the occasional (or even frequent) bad movie. Perhaps you have a deep-rooted fondness for John Cusack & cheesy 80s movies. Perhaps you generally avoid trailers, which could have warned you off. Perhaps.

Lucky for you, in addition to all of those things, I am also willing to see a potentially terrible movie if I can see it for free. Which is how I wound up seeing the first half of Hot Tub Time Machine.

Yeah. The first half. For the first time that I can remember, I walked out of a movie. I don’t want to hear any bullshit about how we just didn’t get it, or how I am some kind of film snob because come on. I loved Legion! I am first in line for anything Apatovian! I even enjoyed Zack and Miri Make a Porno, and that came with its share of gross-out moments, but you know what it didn’t have? Endless rape jokes, for one thing. Or rampant homophobia. Or an utter lack of any redeeming qualities whatsoever.

I was particularly taken aback by how terrible Hot Tub was, since there were so many free screenings of it. Like, 5 times as many as a typical movie, which had fooled me into thinking it might actually be a fun dumb movie and they were trying harder than usual to drum up word of mouth.

It’s not fun. It’s appalling. It’s one of those movies where you’re sitting there, listening to the audience laugh, and wondering if you’re seeing the same thing. If we were seeing the same thing, I am judging them harshly.

Much to our disappointment, the utter suck of Hot Tub eliminated another terrible movie from our schedule: She’s Out of My League. Same situation: never saw a trailer, Jay Baruchel is adorable (and carries the Apatovian vibe), but the screenwriters? Are the same as for Hot Tub. So, you know. Don’t see that one either. Don’t even put it in your Netflix queue, thinking “It can’t be that bad”. It will be.

It’s a shame, too, because I think I finally learned the title. For a solid week, every time I tried to think of it, I wanted to call it He’s Just Not That Into You. I could never remember if it was My League or Your League. By the end we had morphed it into something like He’s Just Not That Into A League of Your Own.

Which is possibly a movie we’d see, though how someone could *not* be into A League of Their Own is beyond me.

Now that no one cares, let’s react a bit to the Oscar Nominated Short Films.

Animated:

French Roast (France): The coolest thing about this short is that about half of the action takes place in the mirror behind a customer in a café. The second coolest thing is what it has to tell us about nuns, namely, that they cannot be trusted.

Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty (Ireland): Great use of two different animation styles, one for the grandmother telling the story and the other for the story being told. I liked it a lot.

The Lady and the Reaper (Spain): Probably my favorite, if only because I enjoy rooting for death.

Logorama (Argentina): Which took home the Oscar, and which I rather hated. It’s a fantastic concept, and I get that it was supposed to be satirical, but that is no excuse for a totally crap script. I am not amused,

A Matter of Loaf and Death (UK): Latest Wallace & Gromit installment, which I was totally on board with until you discover that the murderer’s motive? Is that they have gained weight.

They also showed three bonus shorts: Partly Cloudy (which everyone had seen before Up), The Kinematograph (I wasn’t that into the story, but the texture of the animation was very cool) and Runaway (a fun Canadian short about a train and a cow and ensuing hijinks).

Live Action:

The Door (Ireland): Which would have made a lot more sense if we’d had the Chernobyl context at the beginning rather than the end.

Instead of Abracadabra (Sweden): Screwy, very Swedish short about a wannabe magician.

Kavi (India/USA): Frustratingly, only half of a good short on modern-day slavery. It ends a bit abruptly, and I would have really liked it to go on a bit longer.

Miracle Fish (Australia): Fantastic. Probably the best of the bunch, with true narrative tension and a great performance by the child star.

The New Tenants (Denmark/USA): The winner, dark, which reminded me a lot of Six Shooter.

Before I could even begin writing about Alice in Wonderland, I had to dig through eleven pages of a friend’s Facebook links to find this open letter to Pixar. It’s a great piece in general, and you should all read it, but what stuck with me was the desire for a Pixar movie that gives us a character girls can dress up as for Halloween. A character that is not a princess.

It’s a different studio, and Alice is obviously a privileged character, but she is not a princess. She is a champion. It is seriously awesome. Dear Hollywood: More, please!

Going in, I was glad to know it was not a Tim Burton film in the way I’d expect. I’ve since learned that was deliberate. It is visually Burtonesque, but the story and pacing is definitely your straight ahead fantasy adventure. The opening title (including the score) felt extremely Harry Potter. There is definite cheese, particularly at the end — very “Oh, Hatter, I think I’ll miss you most of all!”

Our Alice is now 19, returning to Wonderland, and is played by the lovely Mia Wasikowska, who bears a striking resemblance to a young Gwyneth Paltrow, except she’s not irritating. Johnny Depp is, of course, brilliant as the Hatter, and Helena Bonham-Carter does great work, even through CGI, as the Red Queen. The voice casting is spot-on, particularly Stephen Fry as the Cheshire Cat & Alan Rickman as the Blue Caterpillar. The oddest performance is from Anne Hathaway, who reminded me of Michael Keaton in Much Ado About Nothing; you know they’re doing what the director has asked of them, but why he’s asked it is a mystery.

Visually, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen. 3D was not part of the original plan, but works strikingly well, even though it’s apparently fated to always give me a headache. I do wish, clichéd though it may have been, that the 3D had only been used in Underland. In the above world scenes, it felt forced, but in Underland it lent a fantastic texture, particularly in the numerous scenes shot at ground level, and to anything involving mist, or smoke, or the Cheshire Cat.

It’s great fun overall, though, once Burtonspectations have been adjusted, and worth seeing in the theater.