I snagged a pass to Youth In Revolt after hearing a rumor that Michael Cera actually bothers to act in it. I am more than a little appalled that it was my first movie of 2010.

Cera basically blew all the affection I had for him from “Arrested Development” and Superbad by hitting me with the one-two suckerpunch that was the god-awful adaptation of Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist & the dull, self-indulgent mockumentary Paper Heart.

I haven’t read Youth in Revolt, so I can’t speak to it as an adaptation, but the film certainly felt like a YA novel, hormonal and hyper-real. If I were still in a position to do reader’s advisory, I’d hand it to someone who liked Rats Saw God.

Does it work? Sure. I particularly liked the animated sequences (very Better Off Dead). Does Cera act? Yes. Nick Twisp is definitely in the Cera mold, but his alter-ego, Francois, is great smarmy fun. (Though not as much fun as Justin Long as The Love Interest’s older brother, who was probably the best part of the movie.) And you gotta respect a film that has the guts to be an R rated teen movie.

All that said… eh. It took me this long to bother to post about it, holding up four many other films. Clearly I’m not excited.

I can’t bear to let Legion sit at the top of that page, great fun though it is, so let’s finish this post up.

A week ago Friday, for all of 6 bucks, I got to see Rebel Without a Cause in a sold-out theater, bookended with remarks by screenwriter Stewart Stern, and shown with a short film cut together from the production reunion ten years ago.

God, I love Seattle.

Stern spoke of course about James Dean (improvements he brought to the film, the impact of his death, their utterly charming first meeting) and just when I was thinking I would have loved to see the film with a predominantly queer crowd, he took what turned out to be his only audience question, one regarding the development of the character of Plato.

The answer turned into a meditation not only on Plato and Jimmy (including autobiographical elements), but on masculinity in general, male intimacy in particular, and his experience at the Battle of the Bulge specifically. Such a gift!

(And people wonder why I can’t get interested in spending $15 on Avatar. I have 9 bucks left! I’ll get a coffee and see Truffaut’s Small Change for my birthday. It’s not a difficult decision. Except for being a little concerned for myself, going to a children’s film festival without an actual child.)

…wait, I suppose I should say something about Rebel itself. Maybe. But we all know it’s great & influential, and if you haven’t seen it, you probably should. It’s certainly a weirder movie than expected, a teen melodrama where, watching it over 50 years later, you really wish everyone would get some intense family therapy.

Now we know why Tyra is not rocking Dillon TX these days. She found herself pregnant, fled town, got a job working for Dennis Quaid, of all people, as a waitress in a last-stop diner in the middle of the desert. What desert? Who cares? She’s hooked up with Quaid’s son, a dude named after a car, not because she loves him or anything, but he’s willing to take care of the baby. Whatta guy.

At the same time, an inexplicably tattooed Paul Bettany has crashed to earth in LA (of all places), where he chops off his own wings & stitches up the wounds. Hard core, one might think, but still no Stephen Maturin. He loads himself up with weaponry (just like a good Boondock Saint), has a brief spat with another angel (who has the Master’s Excorcist-like knack for taking over other people’s heads), and speeds off for same diner.

Is he desperate for pancakes? No. No he is not, and more’s the pity, because they have a short stack for a mere $3.75. He is there to protect the baby! (This is not a spoiler. In fact, I could summarize THE ENTIRE FILM and still not spoil anything.) Protect the baby from what, you might ask?

God’s army. Which is? Zombies. Yes, essentially. Zombies sent as a second flood to eradicate mankind. Zombies! Zombies driving cars! Zombies carrying balloons! One zombie with a paper bag over its head for no apparent reason! And my favorite zombie, which I will not give away. You’ll have to go and make a guess.

Legion might be my new favorite movie. It’s so hilariously bad, I think everyone should see it. It’s essentially a Sci-Fi Channel film, with (maybe) a slightly larger budget. More explosions. About the same level of script, which is to say, essentially no script at all. Acting ranging from a game effort all things considered to straight up camp. Cinematography that must have cost a whole buck and a half.

I want the soundtrack, so every time I give a nearly touching speech, angels will sing, and every time I walk down the hall at work there will be Chanting of Doom.

It’ll be amazing. But do you know what is even more amazing? That my beloved Mr Bettany has done a second feature with this director. It’s called Priest, and comes out in August. Want to know what it’s about? Of course you do! Per the IMDb: “A priest disobeys church law to track down the vampires who kidnapped his niece.”

PAUL BETTANY IS A PRIEST. THERE ARE VAMPIRES. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?

Plot? Well. Better luck next time.

(No, you didn’t miss it, I *am* five movies behind. I lack patience.)

Roger Ebert twittered/tweeted/whatever this addictive Netflix interactive map over the weekend.

It’s kind of fantastic, in the way anything that validates your choices is fantastic.

Because I know you all are fascinated, the top ten in my zip code, and more, after the jump: Read the rest of this entry »